A good friend of mine seemed rather ‘down’. When we finally got to chat he told me that he and his partner had had a bit of an upset the night before.
This friend had decided that he no longer wanted to hide behind the mask of ‘being a man’. So decided to open up to his partner about what he was feeling.
Unfortunately she did not respond in the way that he had hoped that she would and he felt rather hurt by her response.
I pointed out to him that just as expressing his feelings was something new to him, hearing it and processing it was a new experience for his his partner.
He ought to have not expected that she would get it right the first time.
Besides this was what it is all about; learning to express, understand and live with our feelings, our pain.
The next morning they spoke about what had happened and are continuing their journey together.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,
…
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
[ AUDIRI ] - Be Heard 
Often, me and my beloved preface our words with, “I’m just thinking out loud” or similar to explain that what we’re about to say is unformed so “please don’t hold me to it.” They’re just thoughts – not what we believe.
We’ve also learned that it’s also useful to “flag” that we’re going into a vulnerable space by saying something like “This is hard for me to share…” or something similar. This puts the conversation into a space where we are more empathic, patient and gentle with each other.
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Great tips Tony … we use “The story I’m telling myself is ….”.
Sometimes we were never very good at communicating our feelings and sometimes, without even noticing it, we develop ‘comfortable’ routines. No matter how you do it, it is important and personally very liberating to be able to open up to someone with your emotions.
It just takes practice.
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