Wow … its been 2 months since my last post on this blog. You can take that as a good sign.
I have been writing a speech that tackles social issues and all of that. That surely is a sign that I am again looking beyond myself. Something that I have struggled to do for some time. I will take this as a positive sign.
The other thing is that I find that I either do speeches or I blog. I don’t do both. This would fall under the banner of ‘de-cluttering’ my life, trying to not commit to doing too much all at once. Mostly I see this as a good thing but then I wonder if this isn’t becoming a habit, an excuse to not do some of the other things that I ought to be getting onto, and there are a few of those mounting up. This is beginning to feel a little like a return to my days of procrastinating.
Maybe its all just a part of the aging process. I simply can’t do all of things, all at once, all of the time, the way I used to do.
I suspect its the old me sneaking back into my life. The me that procrastinated and made plenty of excuses for being lazy.
But then I presented that speech last night. It was a keynote speech, so quite a biggie.
It was a multi-faceted speech: touching on social issues, dealing with our evolving societies and asking why people like me do things like Toastmasters. I spoke about ‘dehumanisation’ and I spoke about our ability to bring about massive change to the world by attending to the little things that we can control.
And you know, through all of that writing, editing and rehearsing of that speech, it wasn’t until last night, after I have delivered it for the first time, that I realised how it truly related to me and where I am at right now.
I joined Toastmasters because after my heart attack I lost my confidence. I was unable to speak in public or to groups, something that I had always done in the past. I gave up all committee work and declined to take on any new committee work.
Last night it all came together. I hadn’t been doing what I had always done and always enjoyed, because I could not speak. I learned to speak again, but I had no cause.
Last night, having delivered that keynote speech, I realised that now I have both: an ability to speak and a cause to fight for. But instead of me fighting for other people’s causes, this time I have my own, and damn it feels good! I feel good.
When you are fighting to Bounce Back, when you are trying to rebuild your life, it is hard to find what is missing or to even realise that something is missing. And things will just never seem to fall into place until you do.
As I said in the speech last night:
— Keep telling your stories for as long as YOU need to hear them. —
This is what I have done, I just kept telling my stories over and over, and in the end I found something that I didn’t even know was missing.