Thinking about friendship

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThere is plenty to recommend the school of thought that tells us that we should not worry ourselves too much with sorting things out, how we think and how we react. Our brain. like our body has the ability to repair itself and will do so.

The idea holds great appeal for me and I think that I probably do believe in it, but I’m a thinker. I need to think and if it makes me feel good, well I’m going to do it. That’s another thing that I subscribe to, “ask yourself, does it feel right?”

This simple question should guide many, if not most of the decisions we make in life. Not does it feel good?  Will it please someone? The right thing doesn’t always feel good won’t always make us popular, but most of us know if something feels right or not.

Being honest might not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones. . . .  John Lennon

Let’s face it there is not always a right or wrong answer. Somethings can never and may never, be proved. There is also no proof that any amount of research or data can guarantee a better outcome that going with ones’ gut feeling on a matter.

So, yes maybe I ought to stop worrying so much. Stop thinking so much about everything, but for me, it feels like the right thing to do.

One of the sites that I read had this post recently:

5 Ways to Create Amazing Friendships

 

Now for many people that may seem kind of silly and even my initial reaction was to think, why would people need someone to tell them about creating friendships? But then I remembered that friendships is something that I have always struggled with.

I never had many friends and I certainly didn’t feel that I had any comprehension of what a friendship entails, what I was expected to do as a friend, nor what I could expect from a friend. Did I struggle with friendships because I’m an introvert or did I become an introvert because I had few friends? Sometimes for an introvert thinking is our only source of conversation or social interaction.

To the few loyal friends that I ever had, thank you. To those who wanted to be my friend but that I appeared to reject … I’m sorry, I simply had no idea what I was doing.

So you will see that while an article about creating friendships may seem silly, for me that might be quite useful. We are all so very different. So I will read it and I will think about it.

Once again I have found that I am not alone in the world. Having written what I just wrote above, I began reading the article and found this among the opening paragraphs:

I have few friends. There are several reasons for that: … I’m an introvert, I was always deeply afraid of rejection. But the root cause was that I never learned how to be a friend.I had wildly unrealistic expectations. People constantly disappointed me; I was hurt by and fought with every significant friend in my life.My inability to create and maintain authentic relationships brought me great pain. I wrote myself off as a loser, inherently flawed, and doomed to be friendless.

So that sums up me and friendships (and it saved me a whole lot of typing)

My struggle with friendship and the idea that perhaps I shouldn’t overthink things, leave the mind to heal itself, how does this tie in together?

For some people friendship is natural and easy and I do not expect these people to understand why others need to think about, study and worry bout it. Surely we should just let it happen, and friendships will just happen, but should we not strive to be the best friend we can in order to get the most out of a friendship?

If I have managed to get to this age without too many friends, why the sudden interest now?

I was humbled by reality

The trauma that I experienced was truly humbling. Suddenly I was not as immortal as I had assumed, I was completely humbled, I was so weak, so vulnerable in every way, that I could no longer survive without the help of others. I felt fear, grief and uncertainty like I had never felt before. I had surrendered all control of everything.

The reality of life reared up in front of me and smashed me right between the eyes.

I guess this is what some in other contexts would call a crisis of faith. When all that you have believed and understood about the world and how it works, has apparently failed you. You question what you once believed and need to learn a new way of life.

Yes, if you can live your life without having to question everything and just let your mind and body heal itself then by all means. But this does not work for everyone,  as appealing as it is, we simply cannot just leave it alone.

It may seem self indulgent and maybe seem like we are dragging out the trauma just by thinking about the things that we think about. We need to, everything seems new and we will question everything from a perspective that perhaps you just will never understand, just like I still don’t understand friendship (but I am developing a while new appreciation of it).

I now need friends like I never did before, but like so many other things that are new to me, like humility, emotional vulnerability, fear and grief, I have to think about and learn how this whole friendship thing really works.

It feels like the right thing to do.

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