Choosing a Positive life

The following is a piece that I wrote some time ago. I can’t remember exactly when.

In reading it over I realise that I need to take more heed of my own advise, to not simply write it down and file it, but to live it.

I also know that some of the statements in this piece seem to contradict other ideas and beliefs that I have developed and written about. Contradiction is healthy, it doesn’t worry me at all.

Take what you need from this article. If there is anything that you disagree with don’t simply dismiss everything else.

We all see so many people around us that seem to always be miserable. I personally am struggling to find real happiness and contentment but I do my utmost best to not be miserable.

When given, as we all are, the freedom of choice, why do some many choose to live a life of misery?  

To begin feeling happier, we need simply to choose to be happier.

Witness the apparent deprivation in the lives of so many. These people seem to complain much less about their lives than so many of much greater privilege.

Consider many who have, in our world and eyes, achieved great success and fortune. Understand how many of them have their roots in a childhood of abuse and deprivation.

We carry our world with us. Everything we are, everything we know, see, feel and experience exists within.

Nothing that we ever experience, is not already a part of us.

Our life is within us, our future already determined, unless we make the conscious decision to change who we are.

It is difficult to believe that given the many positive possibilities available to us that some do choose a negative life.

I am therefore lead to believe that rather than choosing a negative life, people do not realise that they do indeed have a choice.

They assume that life just happens to them, either by fate or by the design of another entity. Even religion is considered to be a calling or a part of God’s divine plan, not a choice.

Fate, destiny, one’s lot in life, someone else’s fault or just the way things are.

Count how many times you blame someone or something in any 1 hour of conversation.

Count how many times in a day you do something that someone else wants you to do and not what you want to be doing.

Step 1 of choosing positive life: Understand that life doesn’t just happen to you.­­­­­­

If you do not choose to take control of your life, your fate, there are only two possible alternatives:

  • someone else will take control of you for their own purposes, or
  • your defensive inner self will control you.

Step 2 of choosing positive life: Understand that if you do not choose to take control of your own life you cannot expect to control another persons’ life.

  • your life is your responsibility
  • everyone else is responsible for their own lives
  • you are not responsible for anyone else’s life
  • you have no right to take responsibility for someone else’s life.

Step 3 of choosing positive life: Stop blaming.

  • Stop searching for answers. Doing this means that you believe that answers lie elsewhere, or with someone else. If they hold the answers you seek and have not shared them with you, they must be to blame for your circumstances.
  • Listen to yourself, how often do you blame someone or something else each day?

 Step 4 of choosing positive life: Stop having to be right.

  • The burden of always having to be right is one too great for any person to carry. It is a burden that you don’t need to carry, one that will stop you from living your own life.
  • You have no right to be right all of the time.
  • It’s an impossible dream that will never be fulfilled.
  • Allow others to be right, simply because it will make them feel good, and enjoy what you have just done for them.

 Step 5 of choosing positive life: Stop having to be heard (but do find someone who wants to listen to you).

Step 6 of choosing positive life: Learn to ‘flip your script’ (how you respond to questions such: as how are you?)

  • Practice changing the things you remember. Don’t remember the bad things in your day, remember the good.
  • There are 60 minutes in every hour, even when things seem to be at their worst, not everyone one of those 60 minutes represents a bad moment or memory.
  • Fake it ‘til you make it! Exaggerate your responses.
  • Identify positive and negative aspects of your personality, which of these are affirmative and which are defensive?

Step 7 of choosing positive life: Accept death as an inevitable and natural part of life

  • Death is nothing to be feared
  • Death is final. There is no afterlife, so live for today.
  • With no final judgement there is no war, no conflict.
  • When stressed, stop and breathe. When faced with a decision, smile!
  • There is nothing that you can do or should do in life that will guarantee you a life after this. There is no afterlife, this is all there is, enjoy it. You have nothing that you have to prove to anyone.
  • All you need to do is enjoy your life.

Step 8 of choosing positive life: Try not to judge.

  •  By judging something to be good you are accepting that there is bad.
  • Do not consider bad things.
  • Don’t burden yourself.

Step 9 of choosing positive life: Embrace silence.

  • Be happy with your own company.
  • Learn to not need the attention or approval of others.
  • Know the sensations of no TV, no music, no chatter

Step 10 of choosing positive life: Eat breakfast every day.

  • Take time at the beginning of each day to consider how you want to feel at the end of the day and let that drive and guide you.

Step 11 of choosing positive life: Give up on your quest for the truth.

  • The truth doesn’t matter
  • Looking for the meaning of life concedes your control of your lie and you ability to make changes in your life.
  • Kids don’t consider the meaning of life, they don’t seek a great truth. The great truth is irrelevant to their daily lives.

  Step 12 of choosing positive life: Look for meaning IN life.

  • Welcome adversity in your life as a gift that not every gets
  • Learn the positive life lessons and let this forge your new identity.

Step 13 of choosing positive life: Nothing is personal.

  • Nothing that other people say and do is about you.

 Step 14 of choosing positive life: Replace ‘buts’ with and.

  • I am here but I am sad.
  • I am sad and I am here.

Step 15 of choosing positive life: Give everything that you want.

  • You get back what you give
  • This is karma
  • Negativity is cumulative. Positivity infectious.
  • Your view of the world and your life is a reflection of the person that you are.
  • Become the person that you admire the most, it only takes practice.
As always I would love to hear your opinions on the ideas shared in this piece.
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2 Responses to Choosing a Positive life

  1. Fiona says:

    I agree with everything you have said except I do believe that there is an after live. What it is I dont know but I dont think we should live for the after live. I think we should live a life for now and to be true to ourselves and to good and help others for the right reasons, not to get accolades or for a higher place in the after life. We should do it from the bottom of our hearts and to have a personal satisfaction that we helped someone.


    • Graeme says:

      Hi Fiona
      We must be careful when holding out for the future (and an afterlife), that we don’t unfairly compare our lives to some ideal, a dream without physical restraints and expectations. Nostalgia can similarly fool us. The life we remember having lived often bares little resemblance to the truth.

      There is no potential, hope or possibility in yesterday and tomorrow is a dream.

      I cannot conceive of a ‘God’ that is vengeful, that demands that we fall at his feet, or that would ask us to give over our life in service of him rather than others. Only if I am free of such expectations and free of the need to secure my own salvation can I live a free, compassionate and truly meaningful life.

      Thanks for sharing ……


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